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Once upon a time, some motherfuckers were all, “We like cake and milk, but who has the time for both?” So they messed around in the kitchen until they got this sweet son of a bitch.*  *almost positive this definitely probably happened.
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This drink’s got whole fruit and citrus so if anyone gives you shit for drinking more than one or four, just tell ‘em you’re getting your fiber then throw chips at them, yelling “IT’S NACHO FUCKING BUSINESS.” Scope the Butternut Squash Queso recipe from our second book TK2:Party Grub
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You’re not gonna take your mom to the fucking Olive Garden like you did last year, right? You should bake your mom a cake for Mother’s Day. She’ll be happy you’re eating some vegetables and it’s the least you can do since she baked you. 
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Full of fiber with a dash of protein, this tasty bastard works as a filling breakfast shake or hearty dessert. BOTTOMS UP, CHAMP.
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You’re not still fucking with some mayo-soaked pasta salad, right? Because that shit always gets left in the sun for the wasps. Fuck all that. Whip up a bowl of these next level noodles and start spring with SOME GODDAMN RESPECT FOR YOURSELF. 
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Since you’re probably eating nachos for the big game, sideline the questionable cheese-like product and sub-in our butternut squash queso for a touchdown… or home run… or whatever the fuck sports pun you think is appropriate. Go sports! Do the thing! Win all the points! TEAM NAME! 
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Don’t start your New Year by eating some goddamn gut grenade. Instead dish up a bowl of this deliciousness; eating greens promises more money and noodles promise long life. So start your year getting paid in the shade you immortal motherfucker. 
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You mean to tell me there’s some motherfucker that builds toys in his house on a sheet of ice all year then delivers them in one night and you’re just gonna fucking offer him store-bought cookies? Not sure how you were raised but we treat our magical guests with some goddamn respect ‘round here. Whether that old man visits you or not, bake a batch of these sweet sons of bitches and get sconed for the holidays.
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Once a year people do this weird thing and get all fucking jazzed about eating a big ass bird that looks like a poor-man’s peacock. If turkey really tasted that good then everyone would be cooking those fuckers year round. But nobody does that shit for a reason. Spend this Thanksgiving with something worth carving up with this mix of fall flavors wrapped in a warm hug that is puff pastry. Do right by yourself this holiday and stop the bland bird bandwagon. #flipthebird This dish was featured in a New York Daily News interview with some of our other holiday recommendations. 
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This smoothie, from the lovely ladies at Simple Green Smoothies, tastes like a creamsicle but without all motherfucking food dye and corn syrup. Packed with protein, fiber, vitamin E, and potassium this lean, green, nutritional machine is a legit post workout treat you can whirl up after impressing everyone at the gym. Or after rolling outta bed at noon and flexing in the mirror. No judgment. Want more badass blender recipes? Grab the new book by Simple Green Smoothies and start eating better with the push of a button.
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Our collab with The Meatball Shop went so well that the vegan balls SOLD. THE FUCK. OUT. Big thanks to the crew at TMS and everyone who stopped by to try the balls. For anyone who got there after they sold out and for everybody who lives outside NYC, WE GOT YOU. Here’s the recipe to cook up your own set of balls and add them to a sandwich, pasta, salad, whateverthefuck you’re into. Cook up a batch and ball hard.
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Don’t waste another Fall by settling for some lesser seasonal treat. That overhyped bullshit distracts from the real fucking reason for the season: DESSERT. Bake these bitches up and you’ll realize pumpkin is better chewed, not sipped.
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Tired of the same old mayo-mess of pasta salad spoiling in the summer sun? Ditch that cream colored bullshit and get with this fiber rich son of a bitch. Between all these ripe summer veggies, the fresh basil, and the grill marks, you’ve got a new prized picnic dish without all the fat in that pile of pale pasta. Fuck mayo, EAT SOME SUNSHINE.
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Need plans for this extra long summer weekend? Cook up some Thug Kitchen classics and get your ass outside. These recipes are tried and true summer staples and the public park down the street is free. Set up somewhere you can watch some fireworks if your neighborhood does that shit. And you know someone is gonna be popping them off regardless of restrictions. Tasty food, people-watching, and possibly illegal pyrotechnics make for a pretty kickass weekend.
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This summer weather isn’t waiting on the ice cream truck to start making the rounds. But before you start pulling out your cash and that dusty ass fan from last year, whip up a batch of these sweet sons of bitches to help you keep your cool. 
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Think all green dips must be guacamole? Grab some peas and broaden your goddamn dip horizon with a batch of this green goodness- it’s packed with protein and a fuckload of fiber. Peas aren't the sexiest veggie in the store but they are cheap as shit and available year-round on the freezer aisle. Let these little green bastards help you be the envy of everyone else's stagnant snacking.
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It’s cold as a motherfucker outside with no end in sight. So why not warm up with a big bowl of this liquid sunshine and start thawing from the inside out? After you’ve chopped everything, this soup comes together real fucking quick so you can climb back under those blankets fast. It’s hearty, kinda creamy, and provides plenty of comfort to help you survive what’s left of this bullshit season.  Want to add some protein? Feel free to turn this soup into some super shit with the dry fried tofu from our book. 
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Whether you’re spending Valentine’s Day with your significant other or your own sexy self, you’ve gotta fucking eat. But skip the expensive-ass restaurant and predictable chocolate covered whatever. Give yourself or someone special the gift of a food coma with this pasta. True love means sweatpants are always a dress code option. 
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What’s a party without a super bowl of bean dip? But don’t buy some sorry ass pop-top dip at the store, that shit looks like some damn cat food. Stop wasting space at your snack bar with that beige bullshit and make this dope dip instead. You like dips, drinks, and an all-around good fucking time? Well expect more kickass party recipes like this in our next book dropping late 2015. #PREPARTY
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Don’t just ring in the New Year, start that motherfucker off with a BANG. This is a punch that lives up to the name, so you and your friends might be dropping before the ball does this year. So if you're gonna get fall down drunk, do it with some goddamn class. 
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You know damn well you don’t eat enough fruit but you sure as shit hit that waffle quota every month. Why not sneak some fruit into your batter for a sweet winter treat that will make you feel less guilty for your waffle habit.
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This winter why not treat yourself to something like a big mug of this holiday hottie? Or if you’re the generous type, throw a bunch of this mix in a jar, slap a fucking bow on it, and now you’ve got a cheap and tasty gift. If your friends bitch about getting hot chocolate as a present, you need some new fucking friends. New Year’s Resolution: GET FRIENDS WITH SOME DAMN TASTE.
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Put down those mediocre mashed potatoes and pick up this superb side dish. Sure, a gratin is just a fancy sounding casserole but nobody will give a damn what the name is once they taste it. Everybody will be so busy eating that you might be able to escape the awkward small talk with your family. POTATOES, THE DELICIOUS BULLSHIT SILENCERS. 
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It’s getting colder outside and you’re feel the urge for soup. But that sodium soaked, store-bought condensed can of crap you’ve been eating since you were a kid? That shit is just fancy salt water. Take charge of dinner and make yourself a big bowl of this fall-flavored motherfucker. It’s fat free, low in salt, and easy as hell to make. Save the store-bought canned bullshit for when you get snowed in and don’t want to eat cat food. It’s the only excuse to have that shit in your pantry.  This recipe comes straight from our friends at Forks Over Knives. They've got more simple and healthy recipes in their latest book, The Forks Over Knives Plan, so be sure to check that shit out.
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Don’t use Halloween as an excuse to count a big ass bag of mediocre candy as a snack. You know damn well that shit is just going to fuck with your stomach. Instead calm your cravings with this coconut caramel dip. It’s a sweet treat that goes great with apple slices or whatever the hell you dip in it. Now go work on your fucking costume, that shit never looks half as good as you hoped. LOWER THOSE EXPECTATIONS. 
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Forget buying some nasty ass scented candles to make it smell like Fall. Bake a batch of this badass bread and your place will smell dope as hell. Plus, you know, you get food and that’s always better than a fucking candle. 
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Summer is winding down but there’s still some sweet produce left out there. Go grab some goddamn nectarines and make this pasta while you still can, before all-pumpkin-everything season starts.  
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There’s nothing wrong with a cold beer on a hot day but sometimes you’ve got to change shit up. Don’t let summer slip by without sipping on this refreshing son of a bitch. Plums, plucots, pluots, use whatthefuckever you can find. Any of these sweet ass stone fruits will work. Level up your libations, motherfucker. 
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Starting to feel like ninety one thousand damn degrees outside? We got you. Chill the fuck out with a big ass cup of this tropical treat. All you need are five fucking ingredients and a blender. You should be able to handle that shit even if it feels like the world is melting.  
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All the fresh herbs piled in here make this a choice dish for spring. If you know how to mash and chop, then this fucker is basically already made. YOU. GOT. THIS. This recipe is straight out of new The VB6 Cookbook by Mark Bittman. Share this post and your name will be entered in a random drawing for a chance to win a copy of the book. Winners will be selected Friday May 9th and if your name gets picked, we’ll contact you for your mailing address. And don’t worry, we aren’t just giving away one book, we’re giving away FIVE. So why the fuck are you still reading about it? Share this deliciousness and you’re entered to win.
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Asparagus is a solid stand-alone veggie with all its vitamin K and folate but paired with this creamy risotto? . HOT DAMN It takes this spring to another level.
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Today marks the beginning of the Lunar New Year, so what the hell are you cooking up? Grubbing on long noodles is believed to add longevity to your life and you’re going to need the extra luck to offset whatever dumbass plans you have with fireworks later. The fennel and ginger in here do fucking wonders for your digestion, there’s no celebration required to work those into your diet. So this year take control of your plate and leave the fireworks to the pros.
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It’s below freezing and you’ve been walking through people’s goddamn cough clouds all day. At this point, soup is fucking inevitable but don’t grab some condensed crap. Your body needs some vitamins, not a shitload of sodium. Roast up this bad motherfucker and elevate your soup game.
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Hoppin’ John is not only a staple recipe for good fortune every New Year but it’s also a pretty solid fucking meal. Let’s put the superstitious shit aside for just a goddamn minute and appreciate the nutritional value of this savory son of a bitch. There’s enough protein and fiber in here to help you start the year off right. EAT BETTER. FEEL BETTER. FUCK LUCK.
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Last minute holiday shopping? FUCK ALL THAT NOISE. Why don’t you stay home and celebrate in style with some of these spicy sweet bastards? The sugar will keep you awake in case some son of a bitch tries sliding down your chimney in the middle of the night to pilfer your baked goods. NOT THIS YEAR, MOTHERFUCKER. 
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Yeah it’s cold as fuck outside but that’s no reason to fight over the thermostat. Instead, head to the kitchen and regulate your body temperature with this toasty toddy. GRAB A BIG ASS BLANKET AND POUR YOURSELF A GODDAMN HUG IN A MUG. 
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MMM MMM MOTHERFUCKER. This slick ass side dish should keep everyone’s mouths stuffed without all the sodium in those shitty stovetop mixes. Don’t fuck around with that bland boxed bullshit because if everyone is sitting around the table chatting during Thanksgiving dinner, SOMEONE FUCKED UP.
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PUT DOWN THE FUCKING CAN OPENER. Trust me on this shit. Just look at the sugar content in that canned cranberry crap THEN check the serving size. GODDAMN RIGHT?! You and your loved ones deserve better than that red ribbed corn syrup.
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GET THAT SOUPY GREEN SHIT OUTTA HERE. C’mon, anybody showing up with that casserole from a can didn’t even fucking try. How about something much tastier that packs some actual nutrition in it? Bring this bastard to Thanksgiving and nobody is going to ask you to do the goddamn dishes.
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I DON'T REALLY GIVE A DAMN that you slept through breakfast. That’s no excuse to eat cold pizza wheneverthefuck you eventually drag your ass outta bed. You’re blurring meal times, nothing wrong with that. But don’t go wait in a fucking line at some pretentious restaurant that overcharges for breakfast food. Instead, cook up this filling motherfucker and give your stomach something worth waking up for. THIS SAVORY STACK OF PROTEIN & FIBER will keep you feeling FULL AS FUCK until Lunchtime. Grab a mimosa and BRUNCH LIKE A FUCKING BOSS. 
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Sweet Potatoes have a shitload of antioxidants and betacarotene. I’m so goddamn tired of seeing sweet potatoes being served under an inch of marshmallows and butter. EVERY. FUCKING. FALL.  Don’t you realize there are vitamins in these naturally sweet sons of bitches? The beta-carotene in them alone will help keep your skin looking right and vision on point. What the fuck is the marshmallow fluff doing for you? NOT A GODDAMN THING.  
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Thug Kitchen and Cooking Comically teamed up to serve your ass some peach pancakes. 
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Trying to feed a big ass crowd for the football game? DON’T FUCK AROUND WITH SOME CAMPBELL’S CHUNKY SODIUM SOUP. Serve your guests this gridiron grub and give those bastards protein, fiber, and a full stomach all on the cheap. Sneak some veggies in that motherfucker like zucchini, peppers, and carrots and nobody will taste the goddamn difference because you’re a nutritional ninja.
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Tell your problems to wait until normal business hours for bullshit because YOU NEED A FUCKING DAY OFF.  But don’t ruin a good time by using tonic that has fucking corn syrup. That sweet syrupy shit will ruin the taste and your waist.
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WHO WANTS SOME GODDAMN DESSERT? Frozen bananas are legit treats that can make you feel like you’re at the boardwalk even if you’re just standing in front of an oscillating fan in your apartment. USE YOUR IMAGINATION MOTHERFUCKER. Make some of these with the kids, they love that shit. Whether you let them read my recipe or not, that’s on you.
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Eggplant is abundant as fuck this time of year so you can buy them on the cheap. Not sure what the hell to do with an eggplant? Grab that Grimace-looking son of a bitch and roast the shit out of it so you can whip together this dope dip. Stow those prepackaged sad excuses for a snack and GET FUCKING SERIOUS.
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GARBANZO BEANS. CHICKPEAS. WHATEVERTHEFUCK YOU WANT TO CALL THEM. These tiny bastards are filled to the brim with protein, fiber, iron, folate, B-6, magnesium, and all kinds of other boss nutritious shit that your body needs on the daily.If you’re short on time or feeling lazy you can buy them already cooked in a can. They’re less than a fucking dollar. Try them as a sandwich filling, blended up to make hummus, or roasted and wrapped into a burrito. I mean shit, you can use this recipe as a dip or toss it on top of salad. Chickpeas are versatile as fuck.  
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If you’ve gone all summer without drinking a single slushie, take the rest of the day off and whip up this refreshing motherfucker right here. The watermelon and cucumber in this shit help soothe inflammation and the mint will keep your breath on point. FUCK IT. Splash some vodka in there if you want to take tomorrow off too.
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Summertime is the best time for fruit but don’t limit that shit to only dessert. Grill up whateverthefuck looks good and throw it in a salad or on some grains. I tossed peaches in with some soy sauce and noodles because I just don’t give a fuck. That shit was delicious and I had leftovers for days. FUCK SHARING.
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I know you need caffeine sometimes but don’t even fucking think about reaching for a RedBull or 5-Hour Energy. I will slap that shit out of your hand so quick you won’t know whatthefuck happened. Energy drinks are toxic and fucking expensive. Money doesn’t grow on trees; coffee does. Don’t waste your time in a fucking line and spend your hard earned cash on something you can make while you’re sleeping. Cold brewed coffee is also way less acidic, making this easier on your stomach. SO GRAB A CUP OF THIS SIMPLE SHIT AND SEIZE THE GODDAMN DAY.
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Clear room on the grill for these stuffed sons of bitches. They pack a lot more flavor and nutrition than some lazy, played-out veggie kebabs. This shit is loaded: Beta-Carotene, Vitamin C, Fiber and B Vitamins. And that's just the goddamn peppers. And no, you don’t eat the stem; you throw it at whoeverthefuck brought veggie kebabs.
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BUFFALO HAVE BALLS NOT WINGS, so you know this meal is legit. When was the last time you had a kick in the fucking taste buds? These spicy sons of bitches are high in heat but low in fat because they’re baked not fried. So grab a cold drink and a fist full of celery, YOU'RE GOING TO FUCKING NEED'EM.
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SLAM DOWN THIS GLASS OF BOSS SAUCE FOR BREAKFAST AND TELL YOUR GROWLING STOMACH TO SHUT THE FUCK UP. This shit has enough strawberries to give you a full day’s worth of vitamin C. Then you got rolled oats up in this bitch to start your morning with some fiber. All you have to do is fill the blender and press a fucking button. No doubt even your sleepy ass can handle that simple shit in the early morning. Get to work. Get Promoted. Get Paid.
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NO SHIT IT'S HOT, IT'S FUCKING JULY. Pull yourself together, go find some shade, and kick back with Thug Kitchen’s citrus iced tea. Guaranteed to refresh your attitude and show your BBQ guests that you’ve got shit figured out. Even if you don’t.
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My girl and I were cleaning out the fridge and whipped up ten of these motherfuckers. What did you cook the last time you cleaned out your dirty ass fridge? A PICKLE AND KETCHUP SANDWICH? FUCK YOU.  This was the very first post that started Thug Kitchen. I’ve been slammed with people asking me for the goddamn recipe, so here you go. It is a long one but fucking worth it. Peanut tempeh summer rolls 2.0 up in this bitch for Throwback Thursday. Enjoy that shit. These sons of bitches are chock full of all kinds of healthy shit for you and tastes like a goddamn flavor explosion in your fucking mouth. You like burritos? Of course you do. Who the fuck doesn't? Then you'll love this shit right here. Wrap that shit up.
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Standing in front of an open fridge door ain't doing a damn thing. Cool your ass down with these sweet sons of bitches. Summer be sure to avoid frozen high fructose, artificial bullshit and fight swamp ass. Because there are two kinds of people in this world: people who get swamp ass and goddamn liars. Don’t sweat it though because Thug Kitchen has your back with real fruit popsicles. These are easy as fuck to make and it’s not like you’re too busy to freeze blended fruit.
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You know how you lied and said that you’d actually bring something to the party this time?  FUCKING DO IT. Did someone else bring a pasta salad? Throw that shit away because it doesn’t even hold a candle to what you just brought to the table.  That zesty Italian dressing shit is played out.
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WHO THE FUCK DOESN'T LOVE A GOOD SANDWICH? Well this here is a damn fine sandwich that I guarantee your taste buds would high five you if they could. I mean I’m no scientist, maybe they can high five. What the fuck do I know? SANDWICHES. That’s what I fucking know.
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Spread some of this goodness on your next sandwich. It’s fucking delicious. And it lets you double up on your protein sources and cut down on the fat. Shit, don’t limit yourself to just sammies. This is a choice dip so grab some carrots and cucumbers. Afternoon snack: FUCKING DONE.
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Don’t give me that “I don’t eat breakfast” bullshit. It’s too early to be an asshole. The fiber in the oatmeal helps control your blood sugar and keeps you feeling full until lunch. The quinoa gives your morning a little extra protein because why the fuck not? Start your day right by owning the shit out of it. CARPE FUCKING DIEM.
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Next time someone tells you to eat more veggies, get down on these tiny motherfuckers. These low fat, high fiber sons of bitches are healthy as shit without sacrificing flavor. Trying to eat better? START WITH A FUCKING BURGER.
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You won’t be stressing this summer if you’re sipping on this tasty glass of general badassery. The antioxidant loaded in theses blackberries will make sure free radicals aren’t fucking up your day. And the bourbon? YOU EARNED THAT SHIT.
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You can’t have a legit BBQ without a badass potato salad. But don’t be a dick and buy that nasty shit at the store. Make this instead; it is cheap as fuck and super easy. You can even leave it in the sun for a minute and it won’t get all gross like that potatomayo nonsense they try to pass off as a salad. People don’t deserve that basic, bland shit.
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You don’t need a party to get down on some guacamole. Put it on a salad, taco, tostada, sandwich, whatever you want. The vitamin C keeps your immune system up while you grub down. Eat it with your hands. I don’t give a flying fuck. SNACK LIFE. 
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ANYBODY CAN GRILL A FUCKING BURGER OR HOTDOG. Elevate your grilling game with something that simpleminded motherfuckers wouldn’t even consider. Grilling veggies is some classy shit and it only takes a few minutes. I am not talking about some played out portabella burger that tastes like a dirty sponge. Eggplant, artichokes, okra, lettuce: all that shit can be thrown on the grill and are in peak form during the spring and summer. People are guaranteed to come correct next time you invite them over. Raise the fucking bar and grill to impress.
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Five simple fucking ingredients in this bitch right here. This is some good shit to make when you are feeling bougie as fuck. High-fructose corn syrup? Naw son, I don’t play that. Hit this with some vodka though, different story. Max relax.
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Getting ready for Cinco de fucking Mayo? It’s one of my favorite holidays for bad decisions. This year you might make a couple shitty judgment calls but don’t start with your margarita mix. You see how many goddamn ingredients are in those fuckers? Red 40? WHATTHEFUCKISTHAT? Artificial flavors? GO FUCK YOURSELF. Don’t be serving up disrespectful drinks.
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You might make some friends with this shit here. Roasted strawberries and coconut flakes make this salad look classy as fuck but it’s still a choice delivery method for all that fiberand antioxidants. Make someroom on your plate for this nutritious motherfucker. We did this with our friends at FoodBeast. Check their shit out. I’ve been reading dessert recipes over there for the last hour, I should probably get back to work.
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When I am in the kitchen all day cooking up new shit my dog just fucking stares at me.  She lays that guilt on thick. So when I’ve got a minute, I throw something together just for her. Sweet potato jerky is some easy shit to make, the fiber helps regulate her digestive system, and it’s not fucking expensive. You know I’m all about that simple-healthy-cheap living.
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I was saving this shit for the upcoming cookbook but since it’s the most requested recipe, fuck it HERE YA GO. The Thug Kitchen RCB Burrito.
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THERE AIN'T NOTHING ZESTY ABOUT A DRIVE-THRU DIET.  Kick those Dorito-dusted cheese ditches to the curb and park your ass in the kitchen.  You don’t need those tacos misérables, TK has your back.
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HAVE YOU EVER FUCKING SEEN the Hamburger Helper? That shit is terrifying. What’s worse than that? The sodium content. Get off the salt lick and grub on some real food. Seriously someone in HH marketing should be fired.
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FAST FOOD DOESN’T GET FASTER THAN THIS SHIT. You can eat these sons of bitches raw. Sometimes I like them hot so I toss em on the grill. Use some of that bomb-ass peanut sauce too. Look, just because french fries come from a vegetable don’t front like that shit counts as your veggies for the day. Yeah, I’m already in your fucking head.
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I'M SO TIRED OF MOTHER FUCKERS asking “Where do you get your protein?” All you simple minded bastards better read up some. I eat shit like whole grains, beans, nuts, lentils, tempeh… I mean hell, where the fuck are YOU getting your protein? Black beans are one of my favorite protein sources for sure. The insoluble fiber these are packing keeps the body feeling full while holding calories down low. But hold up, this shit also has soluble fiber to regulate the fuck out of your glucose levels. Grub on this. Go to the gym. Fuck membership fees. Lift cars in the parking lot. So eat more black beans and sign some fucking autographs. 
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THERE’S SO MUCH GOD DAMN SPINACH in this shit even Popeye can’t hate. You can make this shit at home cheap. Yeah spinach makes you swoll as fuck, we know that. But did you know just one cup of spinach is over 300% of your daily recommended Vitamin A? Sweet fuck. You worried about acne? Wrinkles? Any other skin shit? Spinach to the mother fucking rescue. That shit keeps your skin looking so fresh and so clean, not to mention helping to prevent skin cancer. Spinach has these plant-based compounds called “flavonoids” that not only repair damaged skin but also fight multiple types of cancer. Everybody knows I ain’t even fucking playing when it comes to dick cancer, I gotta have my shit in tact.
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Alright, so you want something sweet, refreshing, and isn’t made by coca-cola? Put down that soda shit and take a gulp of this deliciousness. Son, agua fresca is the fucking JAM. Look, all the shit you need is: