Why do coworkers always ask what you ate for lunch? What kinda weak ass office gossip is that? Yes my lunch was much better than yours, you nosey motherfucker. Let’s talk about each other’s seasonal depression instead of that burrito you just shoved in your face. LEVEL UP YOUR SMALL TALK PATRICK OR GO BACK TO YOUR CORNER IN HR. Anyways, here’s a recipe for a soba noodle salad that's so dope that it’s a worthy steal from the shared fridge. You’ve been warned. 

What in the fuck is a “hidden valley”? And why are we importing condiments from this sketchy-ass place? Don’t trust some store-bought dressing with hidden ingredients, make your own shit. ‘Cause nobody likes barenaked veggies. #itsbeen

All the fresh herbs piled in here make this a choice dish for spring. If you know how to mash and chop, then this fucker is basically already made. YOU. GOT. THIS.

This recipe is straight out of new The VB6 Cookbook by Mark Bittman. Share this post and your name will be entered in a random drawing for a chance to win a copy of the book. Winners will be selected Friday May 9th and if your name gets picked, we’ll contact you for your mailing address. And don’t worry, we aren’t just giving away one book, we’re giving away FIVE. So why the fuck are you still reading about it? Share this deliciousness and you’re entered to win.

You know how you lied and said that you’d actually bring something to the party this time?  FUCKING DO IT. Did someone else bring a pasta salad? Throw that shit away because it doesn’t even hold a candle to what you just brought to the table.  That zesty Italian dressing shit is played out.

ANYBODY CAN GRILL A FUCKING BURGER OR HOTDOG. Elevate your grilling game with something that simpleminded motherfuckers wouldn’t even consider. Grilling veggies is some classy shit and it only takes a few minutes. I am not talking about some played out portabella burger that tastes like a dirty sponge. Eggplant, artichokes, okra, lettuce: all that shit can be thrown on the grill and are in peak form during the spring and summer. People are guaranteed to come correct next time you invite them over. Raise the fucking bar and grill to impress.

You might make some friends with this shit here. Roasted strawberries and coconut flakes make this salad look classy as fuck but it’s still a choice delivery method for all that fiberand antioxidants. Make someroom on your plate for this nutritious motherfucker.

We did this with our friends at FoodBeast. Check their shit out. I’ve been reading dessert recipes over there for the last hour, I should probably get back to work.