Recipes

Roasted Broccolini Herb Noodles

COLON CANCER AIN'T FUCKING AROUND. You gotta eat more broccoli bc it's like a toothbrush for your asshole. It's way more effective and a HELLUVALOT CHEAPER than a juice cleanse.

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Pumpkin Chili

It's that time of year when it's pumpkin spiced everything but you need somethin heartier than a goddamn latte.

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Mango Chia Lime Pops

ANYBODY WHO SAYS YOU CAN'T EAT POPSICLES FOR BREAKFAST CAN FUCK ALL THE WAY OFF BC THESE FROSTY BOYS HAVE NO ADDED SUGAR SO TECHNICALLY IT'S A SMOOTHIE CHECKMATE BITCH

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Cold Mango Soba Noodle Salad

Why do coworkers always ask what you ate for lunch? LEVEL UP YOUR SMALL TALK PATRICK OR GO BACK TO YOUR CORNER IN HR. Anyways, here’s a recipe for a soba noodle salad that's so dope that it’s a worthy steal from the shared fridge.

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Jackfruit Banh Mi

Yeah, yeah, yeah all you banh mi purists WE KNOW this is far from traditional BUT our version of this Vietnamese classic is so goddamn good that it might just ruin all future sandwiches for you. YOU’VE BEEN WARNED. ENJOY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

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Strawberry Lime Margaritas

This drink’s got whole fruit and citrus so if anyone gives you shit for drinking more than one or four, just tell ‘em you’re getting your fiber then throw chips at them, yelling “IT’S NACHO FUCKING BUSINESS.”

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Watermelon Cucumber Slushie

If you’ve gone all summer without drinking a single slushie, take the rest of the day off and whip up this refreshing motherfucker right here.

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