Don’t just ring in the New Year, start that motherfucker off with a BANG. This is a punch that lives up to the name, so you and your friends might be dropping before the ball does this year. So if you're gonna get fall down drunk, do it with some goddamn class.
You know damn well you don’t eat enough fruit but you sure as shit hit that waffle quota every month. Why not sneak some fruit into your batter for a sweet winter treat that will make you feel less guilty for your waffle habit.
This winter why not treat yourself to something like a big mug of this holiday hottie? Or if you’re the generous type, throw a bunch of this mix in a jar, slap a fucking bow on it, and now you’ve got a cheap and tasty gift. If your friends bitch about getting hot chocolate as a present, you need some new fucking friends. New Year’s Resolution: GET FRIENDS WITH SOME DAMN TASTE.
Put down those mediocre mashed potatoes and pick up this superb side dish. Sure, a gratin is just a fancy sounding casserole but nobody will give a damn what the name is once they taste it. Everybody will be so busy eating that you might be able to escape the awkward small talk with your family. POTATOES, THE DELICIOUS BULLSHIT SILENCERS.
It’s getting colder outside and you’re feel the urge for soup. But that sodium soaked, store-bought condensed can of crap you’ve been eating since you were a kid? That shit is just fancy salt water. Take charge of dinner and make yourself a big bowl of this fall-flavored motherfucker. It’s fat free, low in salt, and easy as hell to make. Save the store-bought canned bullshit for when you get snowed in and don’t want to eat cat food. It’s the only excuse to have that shit in your pantry.
Don’t use Halloween as an excuse to count a big ass bag of mediocre candy as a snack. You know damn well that shit is just going to fuck with your stomach. Instead calm your cravings with this coconut caramel dip. It’s a sweet treat that goes great with apple slices or whatever the hell you dip in it.
Now go work on your fucking costume, that shit never looks half as good as you hoped. LOWER THOSE EXPECTATIONS.
Forget buying some nasty ass scented candles to make it smell like Fall. Bake a batch of this badass bread and your place will smell dope as hell. Plus, you know, you get food and that’s always better than a fucking candle.