Recipes

Stone Fruit Smash

Don’t let summer slip by without sipping on this refreshing sonuvabitch. Plums, plucots, pluots, use whatthefuckever you can find. LEVEL UP YOUR LIBATIONS.

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Lavender Lemonade

Five simple fucking ingredients in this shit right here. Whip up this high class cocktail when you're feelin sweaty but fancy. And no high-fructose fuckery either. Splash this with some vodka and UNLOCK MAX RELAX MODE.

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Sparkling Pomegranate Punch

Punch your way into the New Year with this glass of class. MAKE 2019 FEAR YOU ESTABLISH DOMINANCE EARLY.

Happy New Year's Bitches 

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Cranberry Spritzer

Cranberry sauce is a holiday leftover that just keeps on givin. You can put that shit in a sandwich, mix it in a salad, or even a cocktail. So go rescue that cranberry sauce from the back of the fridge and GET LIT WITH LEFTOVERS.

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Naughty Sour

This holiday season don't just stay warm, PUT A ROARING FUCKING FIREPLACE IN YOUR GUT. BREATHE FIRE. SLAY THE HOLIDAYS. DRINK RESPONSIBLY BITCHES.

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Strawberry Lime Margaritas

this drink’s got whole fruit and citrus so if anyone gives you shit for drinkin more than one or seven just tell ‘em you’re getting your fiber

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Sparkling Grapefruit & Gin Punch

Don’t just ring in the New Year, start that motherfucker off with a BANG. This is a punch that lives up to the name, so you and your friends might be dropping before the ball does this year. So if you're gonna get fall down drunk, do it

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Spiked Citrus Iced Tea

NO SHIT IT'S HOT, IT'S FUCKING SUMMER. Pull yourself together, go find some shade, and kick back with spiked citrus iced tea.

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Watermelon Cucumber Slushie

If you’ve gone all summer without drinking a single slushie, take the rest of the day off and whip up this refreshing motherfucker right here.

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Strawberry Grapefruit Margarita

Getting ready for Cinco de fucking Mayo?  This year you might make a couple shitty judgment calls but don’t start with your margarita mix. You see how many goddamn ingredients are in those fuckers? Red 40?

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Blackberry Bourbon Fizz

You won’t be stressing this summer if you’re sipping on this tasty glass of general badassery. The antioxidant loaded in theses blackberries will make sure free radicals aren’t fucking up your day.

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