Recipes

Beastless Feasts

As we do every holiday season we put together this dope database of recipes from our site and books to help you survive the season. If you already got our books, you're probably a well-adjusted and beautiful person.

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Cranberry Spritzer

Cranberry sauce is a holiday leftover that just keeps on givin. You can put that shit in a sandwich, mix it in a salad, or even a cocktail. So go rescue that cranberry sauce from the back of the fridge and GET LIT WITH LEFTOVERS.

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Hot Chocolate Mix

This winter why not treat yourself to something like a big mug of this holiday hottie? Or if you’re the generous type, throw a bunch of this mix in a jar, slap a fucking bow on it, and now you’ve got a cheap and tasty gift.

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Cremini Gravy

We don't need to sell y'all on gravy. This shit sells itself. Gravy is king of the holiday foods but great year-round on biscuits with some wilted greens. If you're lazy, just pour it on some toast.

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Hot Fudge

Doesn't matter how much money you got in the bank or what you've got parked in the garage BUT IF YOU DON'T HAVE HOMEMADE FUDGE CHILLIN IN YOUR FRIDGE YOU'RE

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Cranberry Sauce

PUT.THE.FUCKING.CAN.OPENER.DOWN. Trust us on this shit. Just look at the sugar content in that canned cranberry crap THEN check the serving size. GODDAMN RIGHT?!

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Sparkling Pomegranate Punch

Punch your way into the New Year with this glass of class. MAKE 2018 FEAR YOU. ESTABLISH DOMINANCE EARLY.

Happy New Year's Bitches ❤

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Vegetable Potpies

Are you tired of spending every Thanksgiving watching your family shove their hands up a dead bird’s ass? If only there was a better way...

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Pumpkin Ginger Blondies

Don’t waste another Fall by settling for some lesser seasonal treat. That overhyped bullshit distracts from the real fucking reason for the season: DESSERT. Bake these bitches up and you’ll realize pumpkin is better chewed, not sipped.

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Potato and Swiss Chard Gratin

Put down those mediocre mashed potatoes and pick up this superb side dish. Sure, a gratin is just a fancy sounding casserole but nobody will give a damn what the name is once they taste it.

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Winter Vegetable Hominy Hash en Croute

Once a year people do this weird thing and get all fucking jazzed about eating a big ass bird that looks like a poor-man’s peacock. If turkey really tasted that good then everyone would be cooking those fuckers year round.

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