Getting ready for Cinco de fucking Mayo? It’s one of my favorite holidays for bad decisions. This year you might make a couple shitty judgment calls but don’t start with your margarita mix. You see how many goddamn ingredients are in those fuckers? Red 40? WHATTHEFUCKISTHAT? Artificial flavors? GO FUCK YOURSELF. Don’t be serving up disrespectful drinks.

Do your fucking part

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Strawberry Grapefruit Margarita


¾ cup tequila (optional, but who are you kidding?)

¾ cup grapefruit juice (about 1 grapefruit)

¼ cup lime juice (about 3 limes)

1 cup frozen strawberries (whole strawberries are really fucking hard to measure. It was about 8 medium sized strawberries but extra won’t hurt a thing)

1 ½ cups ice 

Blend that shit up. 

If your fruit wasn’t super sweet you might need to add a little something extra like a teaspoon or two of whateverthefuck sweetener you like to use is fine. Personally I like agave but you can use honey or sugar. Serve this up immediately.

Make about 32 ounces, enough to relax 2 people