Recipes
BLUEBERRY BASIL G&T AND A CUCUMBER ROSEMARY G&TFINISH SUMMER WITH A COLD GLASS OF FUCKING CLASS
Sep 02, '13
Tell your problems to wait until normal business hours for bullshit because YOU NEED A FUCKING DAY OFF.  But don’t ruin a good time by using tonic that has fucking corn syrup. That sweet syrupy shit will ruin the taste and your waist.
COOL YOUR ASS DOWNSNACK ON SOME FROZEN BANANA POPS MOTHERFUCKERS
Aug 30, '13
WHO WANTS SOME GODDAMN DESSERT? Frozen bananas are legit treats that can make you feel like you’re at the boardwalk even if you’re just standing in front of an oscillating fan in your apartment. USE YOUR IMAGINATION MOTHERFUCKER. Make some of these with the kids, they love that shit. Whether you let them read my recipe or not, that’s on you.
STOP THE SHAMEFUL SNACKINGMAKE YOUR OWN GODDAMN SMOKEY EGGPLANT DIP, DON'T BUY INTO FRITO LAY FUCKERY
Aug 22, '13
Eggplant is abundant as fuck this time of year so you can buy them on the cheap. Not sure what the hell to do with an eggplant? Grab that Grimace-looking son of a bitch and roast the shit out of it so you can whip together this dope dip. Stow those prepackaged sad excuses for a snack and GET FUCKING SERIOUS.
YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN SOME BOLOGNA SANDWICHMAKE THIS CHICKPEA PESTO SANDWICH, T PACKS A MEAN PROTEIN PUNCH
Aug 14, '13
GARBANZO BEANS. CHICKPEAS. WHATEVERTHEFUCK YOU WANT TO CALL THEM. These tiny bastards are filled to the brim with protein, fiber, iron, folate, B-6, magnesium, and all kinds of other boss nutritious shit that your body needs on the daily.If you’re short on time or feeling lazy you can buy them already cooked in a can. They’re less than a fucking dollar. Try them as a sandwich filling, blended up to make hummus, or roasted and wrapped into a burrito. I mean shit, you can use this recipe as a dip or toss it on top of salad. Chickpeas are versatile as fuck.

 

HAVE YOURSELF A BIG ASS GLASS OF SUMMER WITH AWATERMELON CUCUMBER SLUSHIEAND TELL AUTUMN TO BACK THE FUCK UP
Aug 09, '13
If you’ve gone all summer without drinking a single slushie, take the rest of the day off and whip up this refreshing motherfucker right here. The watermelon and cucumber in this shit help soothe inflammation and the mint will keep your breath on point. FUCK IT. Splash some vodka in there if you want to take tomorrow off too.
IT'S PEACH SEASON BITCHESDON'T HOLD THEM BACK WITH PIES, GRILL'EM UP AND CHANGE THE NOODLE GAME
Aug 05, '13

Summertime is the best time for fruit but don’t limit that shit to only dessert. Grill up whateverthefuck looks good and throw it in a salad or on some grains. I tossed peaches in with some soy sauce and noodles because I just don’t give a fuck. That shit was delicious and I had leftovers for days. FUCK SHARING.

STOP PAYING SO GODDAMN MUCH FOR ICED COFFEECOLD BREW WHILE YOU'RE SLEEPINGAND WAKE UP WITH A FROSTY GLASS OF GET SHIT DONE
Jul 24, '13

I know you need caffeine sometimes but don’t even fucking think about reaching for a RedBull or 5-Hour Energy. I will slap that shit out of your hand so quick you won’t know whatthefuck happened. Energy drinks are toxic and fucking expensive. Money doesn’t grow on trees; coffee does. Don’t waste your time in a fucking line and spend your hard earned cash on something you can make while you’re sleeping. Cold brewed coffee is also way less acidic, making this easier on your stomach. SO GRAB A CUP OF THIS SIMPLE SHIT AND SEIZE THE GODDAMN DAY.

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