MMM MMM MOTHERFUCKER. This slick ass side dish should keep everyone’s mouths stuffed without all the sodium in those shitty stovetop mixes. Don’t fuck around with that bland boxed bullshit because if everyone is sitting around the table chatting during Thanksgiving dinner, SOMEONE FUCKED UP.
PUT DOWN THE FUCKING CAN OPENER. Trust me on this shit. Just look at the sugar content in that canned cranberry crap THEN check the serving size. GODDAMN RIGHT?! You and your loved ones deserve better than that red ribbed corn syrup.
GET THAT SOUPY GREEN SHIT OUTTA HERE. C’mon, anybody showing up with that casserole from a can didn’t even fucking try. How about something much tastier that packs some actual nutrition in it? Bring this bastard to Thanksgiving and nobody is going to ask you to do the goddamn dishes.
I DON'T REALLY GIVE A DAMN that you slept through breakfast. That’s no excuse to eat cold pizza wheneverthefuck you eventually drag your ass outta bed. You’re blurring meal times, nothing wrong with that. But don’t go wait in a fucking line at some pretentious restaurant that overcharges for breakfast food. Instead, cook up this filling motherfucker and give your stomach something worth waking up for. THIS SAVORY STACK OF PROTEIN & FIBER will keep you feeling FULL AS FUCK until Lunchtime. Grab a mimosa and BRUNCH LIKE A FUCKING BOSS.
Sweet Potatoes have a shitload of antioxidants and betacarotene. I’m so goddamn tired of seeing sweet potatoes being served under an inch of marshmallows and butter. EVERY. FUCKING. FALL. Don’t you realize there are vitamins in these naturally sweet sons of bitches? The beta-carotene in them alone will help keep your skin looking right and vision on point. What the fuck is the marshmallow fluff doing for you? NOT A GODDAMN THING.
Trying to feed a big ass crowd for the football game? DON’T FUCK AROUND WITH SOME CAMPBELL’S CHUNKY SODIUM SOUP. Serve your guests this gridiron grub and give those bastards protein, fiber, and a full stomach all on the cheap. Sneak some veggies in that motherfucker like zucchini, peppers, and carrots and nobody will taste the goddamn difference because you’re a nutritional ninja.