Recipes
HAMBURGER HELPER AIN'T FUCKING HELPINGGET YOUR ASS SOME FUCKING TUCSON TEMPEH SALADNEVER TRUST A GLOVE WITH A FACE
Apr 11, '13

HAVE YOU EVER FUCKING SEEN the Hamburger Helper? That shit is terrifying. What’s worse than that? The sodium content. Get off the salt lick and grub on some real food.

Seriously someone in HH marketing should be fired.

OH SHIT THESE HIGH FIBER FUCKERS HELP PREVENT HEART DISEASETHIS SNACKS GOT YOUR GODDAMN BACK
Apr 05, '13

FAST FOOD DOESN’T GET FASTER THAN THIS SHIT. You can eat these sons of bitches raw. Sometimes I like them hot so I toss em on the grill. Use some of that bomb-ass peanut sauce too. Look, just because french fries come from a vegetable don’t front like that shit counts as your veggies for the day. Yeah, I’m already in your fucking head.

THIS PROTEIN-PACKED CILANTRO LACED SHIT IS REFRESHING AS FUCKGRUB ON THIS
Mar 31, '13

I'M SO TIRED OF MOTHER FUCKERS asking “Where do you get your protein?” All you simple minded bastards better read up some. I eat shit like whole grains, beans, nuts, lentils, tempeh… I mean hell, where the fuck are YOU getting your protein? Black beans are one of my favorite protein sources for sure. The insoluble fiber these are packing keeps the body feeling full while holding calories down low. But hold up, this shit also has soluble fiber to regulate the fuck out of your glucose levels. Grub on this. Go to the gym. Fuck membership fees. Lift cars in the parking lot. So eat more black beans and sign some fucking autographs. 

WE ALL KNOW YOUR PUNK ASS DOESN'T EAT ENOUGH GREENS. DRINK ONE OF THESE SEVEN DOLLAR SMOOTHIES?FUCK YOU JAMBA JUICE
Mar 24, '13

THERE’S SO MUCH GOD DAMN SPINACH in this shit even Popeye can’t hate. You can make this shit at home cheap. Yeah spinach makes you swoll as fuck, we know that. But did you know just one cup of spinach is over 300% of your daily recommended Vitamin A? Sweet fuck. You worried about acne? Wrinkles? Any other skin shit? Spinach to the mother fucking rescue. That shit keeps your skin looking so fresh and so clean, not to mention helping to prevent skin cancer.

Spinach has these plant-based compounds called “flavonoids” that not only repair damaged skin but also fight multiple types of cancer. Everybody knows I ain’t even fucking playing when it comes to dick cancer, I gotta have my shit in tact.

AGUA FUCKING FRESCADON'T JUST QUENCH YOUR THIRST KICK ITS ASS
Nov 12, '12
Alright, so you want something sweet, refreshing, and isn’t made by coca-cola? Put down that soda shit and take a gulp of this deliciousness. Son, agua fresca is the fucking JAM. Look, all the shit you need is: 
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