seafood in a mess over pasta

This is for Paul, he's a cook, possibly a chef - a chef is a tradesman, like a plumber. So this is for the plumbers who like to cook pasta with seafood.

Food is the best shit ever. Paul and I are one on this, plus he might surf - but being an Englishman probably not too well. Outstanding kooks the Poms, in all walks of life.

here we go -

Meet Steve. Steve's cooking schedule this afternoon is (1) The Ulladulla Co-op, and (2) The Marlin Drive-In bottle shop (3) Alexs' Acres just past Milton, Alex for the holy herbs -

The Method:

Scoop a half-hand of soft butter from a container, then remember that you should have opened up the anchovy tin before your hands got greasy. Dump the butter, wipe the hands down on some material close by - use your shorts first, the shirt might have to be worn out later - and open the tin of anchovies. Yank all of them out and find the butter; we have to mash them all up together, ball it up about as big as a golf ball. You like butter? Then more.

Put it somewhere.

Scoop up another half-hand of butter and drop it into a hot pan, watch it as it slides away into liquid, smell it as the heat burns in - then chuck in plenty of prawn heads and cook them hard, and hot, and crush them down into the butter, make a mess. Spill something in there if it's too dry, something red.
Later we run the mess through an old tea-towel and hope for some clear liquid. Not much.

Put it somewhere.

Garlic, onions, carrots all chopped up etc etc, into a pan with something, oil, butter - you pick it, you're eating it, and when that's soft that's done so it's tinned tomatoes in, tomato paste in, put on a Nick Cave album and grind in the pepper. Be cool. Pepper is a good thing. Judge your own salt, I've got hypertension. Ever thought of a tin of tomato soup right about now, fucken A bro, in she goes.

The Marlin Drive In bottle shop? That's where you bought the Captain Morgan and we are about three glasses into it now, cooking is supposed to be fun, we know drinking is - so double your pleasure.

So what have we got so far; a ball of anchovy butter, a half glass of something that looks like piss and smells like prawn heads, and a saucepan of tomato stew.

This is where we want to be.

Choosing the seafood. There is a science here. We want little and big and smooth and rough. Flathead fillets, pippies, prawns, mussels, bugs, and about five scampi. These are to treated with great reverence and their price is not to be questioned.
That'll do. Plus three dozen oysters to go with the rum, during the cooking. Time is a cook's enemy, looking at you Paul - Chefdante, I know your pain boys.

Pressure can be a friend.

Back to it.

We need about a tin of anchovies in with the tomatoes about now, squeeze some lemon in, sugar - maybe. Chilli? - is the Pope a Catholic?

Check the fridge, peas? - why not, sweet corn? - beats chucking it away.

Tinned crab, the little ones, and tinned shrimp. Combine the liquid in those tins with the prawn head poison and stand back.

What next?

Tip the crabs and shrimp into the tomatoes and peas and sweet corn and anchovies and onion and garlic - the stew in the pan - give it some hammer, make boiling bubbles, then tip in the prawnhead poison.

Power down.

Pippis first, shelled. Ask an Australian how to do this, then the mussels, then everything else, seafood cooks quick, and any man who doesn't strip the shitline out of his prawns needs questioning, the bugs are ok in their half-shells. We prefer the chunks.

All done. Pick a herb, drop it on the top.

Five scampi cut lengthways and finely dusted with lemon, salt and olive oil go under a hot grill. Served separate, the elite do not mingle.

The pasta is cooked and drained, the butter ball is dropped into a hot pan and when it's making a noise the pasta goes down on top of it.

All done, let's eat, pass the olives, pass the capers, pass the bread.

(just kidding with the pic, who takes photos when it's time to eat?)


Showing 32 reactions

  • commented 2015-01-14 13:19:07 -0800
    Hey Chris—I love how you got this asshat to admit to how he feels about folks like us! Don’t let this creepy surfer animal eater bother you—he doesn’t belong here.
  • commented 2015-01-08 21:05:51 -0800
    Absurd little heathen, aren’t you? Carry on.
  • commented 2015-01-08 20:22:57 -0800
    MY ABUSE? I came here to share community with fellow vegans. YOU’RE THE MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE who came here to cause trouble and now that someone has called your game you DARE to attempt to spin this? Fuck off again Mr. Bowes. You don’t know a goddamned thing about me yet you go on about me being a product of an unfriendly environment? I wasn’t the pissy little child that came here to cause trouble. That was YOU, you piece of shit. YOU!! Seek more social intercourse? What makes you think you know how much social intercourse I have? I have NEVER taunted a meat eater for their choice yet YOU sir, very small man that you are, came to this site and taunted these people including myself. Tell me Mr. know it all, since you know me, what do I do for a living? Hold down a proper job? I work 50 hours a fuckin week and have had a proper job since I was 15 fucking years old asshole, and you can drop that mate shit. You’re no friend of mine. Go to hell.
  • commented 2015-01-08 15:21:11 -0800
    Chris, come over and see me at http://petebowes.com – bring your abuse with you, see how far you get.
  • commented 2015-01-08 13:00:50 -0800
    You should get help Chris … There is an unstable aspect to your personality which is becoming very evident here, in fact I would go as far as to say you are the product of an unfriendly environment and should seek more social intercourse, maybe you should have finished kindergarten, met more people, travelled, held down a proper job. You are a tragic fellow Chris, up to your own neck in your own pond. And as long as you want to keep up this foolishness, I’ll oblige mate, because, really, you are coming off second best in the exchange. That’s another sign of an unstable seed eater.
  • commented 2015-01-08 02:54:05 -0800
    Not only are you a dumbass but apparently don’t understand the English language either (consistent though I suppose with being a dumbass) So there is no confusion let me reiterate: You’re a sociopathic trouble making troll and the internet is littered with people like you. It’s people like you who have nothing better to do but stir the pot and aggravate people. I don’t know if it’s that you’re just so small a person you get some kind of jolly’s from doing this or if your just a asshole with a small penis. FUCK YOUR OLIVE BRANCH DOUCHEBAG THE DAMAGE IS DONE. Maybe next time you’ll check yourself before you feel the need to be such an ass on line.
  • commented 2015-01-08 02:29:44 -0800
    Chris, serious mate, I can put up a vegan recipe, no jokes … I’ll just have to think of one , you ok with that? This is the peacepipe Man.
  • commented 2015-01-07 17:19:17 -0800
    FUCK OFF ASSHOLE
  • commented 2015-01-07 03:20:13 -0800
    And another one bites the dust ….. is that a vegan recipe Chris?
  • commented 2015-01-05 17:03:38 -0800
    Well Pete you are a dumbfuck and you’re also a fucking sociopath and it’s because of people like you that I opted out of social networking like Facebook. Too many assholes like you mucking up the place and forcing me to drop my good will. SO GO FUCKYOURSELF YOU PIECE OF SHIT TROLL I’M DONE. Sorry thug kitchen but if you’re not willing to bounce people like this asswipe pete then I’m out. I just don’t have the space in my day for dogshit like pete. What a worthless fuck and a meat-eater to boot. What a fuckin’ tool.
  • commented 2015-01-03 12:36:48 -0800
    I’m a dumbfuck Chris, ask Carol, and dumbfucks are incapable of playing nicely … perhaps some of the ladies here should pull their act together and play nicely themselves -
  • commented 2015-01-03 04:42:01 -0800
    Pete, No one is “shrinking” just wondering why you continue to taunt even after you’ve understood this is a place to share a VEGAN ideology. Now play nice or kindly move along.
  • commented 2015-01-02 02:32:11 -0800
    … and thanks Carol, back at you.
  • commented 2015-01-02 01:32:30 -0800
    Chris,I’ve been reading this site for quite a while without knowing it was vegan, I read the fucking language, and decided to send in a fucking menu, in fucking context.
    What strikes me as peculiar is that you fine folks can put up with the bad language, which doesn’t come easy to me despite what you may think, and you shrink at a non-vegan recipe. My website can be found if you google my name, I am no troll, and I do like to challenge people. This is Thug Kitchens turn. Now,is that reasonable enough?
  • commented 2015-01-01 15:20:02 -0800
    Pete Bowes is it a hobby of yours to be a troll or are you just ignorant of what constitutes a vegan meal? I’m just curious why you’d even bother to spend a minute on a site like this to put people down. If you’re so small that you’re just here to disrupt good people sharing a good message then you sir are showing yourself to be just another person who favors destruction over construction and there are more than enough of your kind in this world. So if you can’t bring anything constructive then kindly leave. If on the other hand you’d care to learn how this diet can heal you and this planet then play nice. I assume you’re an adult.
  • tagged this with that shit ain't vegan 2015-01-01 15:18:02 -0800
  • commented 2015-01-01 13:38:21 -0800
    What a bunch of mother fucking, thin skinned, tight-arsed wimps you folks are, that seems to be the sort of language you like ….
  • commented 2015-01-01 11:14:04 -0800
    With so many other appropriate food sites to post to, it is apparent people like this only want to be annoying.
  • commented 2015-01-01 10:14:22 -0800
    ………agreed, Carol Brzezicki. Thanks!
  • commented 2015-01-01 08:29:33 -0800
    What a dumbfuck!!!!
  • tagged this with that shit ain't vegan 2015-01-01 08:29:32 -0800
  • tagged this with deliciousness 2014-12-30 03:12:50 -0800
  • commented 2014-12-29 12:49:49 -0800
    Vegan shmegan
  • commented 2014-12-29 07:33:37 -0800
    I cannot imagine posting a non vegan recipe in a site that is for vegans.
  • tagged this with that shit ain't vegan 2014-12-29 07:27:48 -0800
  • tagged this with that shit ain't vegan 2014-12-27 17:30:10 -0800
  • tagged this with that shit ain't vegan 2014-12-27 10:46:42 -0800
  • tagged this with deliciousness 2014-11-30 18:54:02 -0800
  • followed this page 2014-11-30 18:53:59 -0800
  • tagged this with that shit ain't vegan 2014-11-26 15:02:56 -0800