1. You might make some friends with this shit here. Roasted strawberries and coconut flakes make this salad look classy as fuck but it’s still a choice delivery method for all that fiber and antioxidants. Make some room on your plate for this nutritious motherfucker.

    We did this with our friends at FoodBeast. Check their shit out. I’ve been reading dessert recipes over there for the last hour, I should probably get back to work. 

     

    ROASTED STRAWBERRY SALAD

    16 medium strawberries, about 1 pound

    1 teaspoon olive oil

    a pinch of salt

    ½ cup coconut flakes (you can use sliced almonds to save some cash) 

    ¼ cup lemon juice

    3 tablespoons red wine vinegar

    3 tablespoons olive oil

    a big bunch of basil, chopped into thin strips, about 2/3 cup

    salt and pepper to taste

    1 big head of lettuce (green leaf, spinach, butter, whatthefuckever kind of lettuce is fine)

    Warm up your oven to 400 degrees. Cut the green tops off the strawberries and throw that shit out.  Slice the berries in half lengthwise. Toss them in a bowl with the teaspoon of olive oil and salt. Mix that shit up good so everything is coated. Put the strawberries cut side down on a cookie sheet. I hate doing dishes so I usually cover the cookie sheet with foil or something because the strawberries can release some juice and it’s annoying as fuck to clean. Roast the strawberries for 10 minutes. Throw the coconut flakes in their own section on the cookie sheet and then roast them at the same time for 3 more minutes or until the coconut looks toasted. Let everything cool the fuck down to about room temperature.

    Mix together the lemon juice, vinegar, and oil in a small glass.  Toss the lettuce and the basil in a big bowl and add as much of the dressing, salt, and pepper as you like. Make sure everything is coated and then put the strawberries and coconut flakes on top.  Arrange that shit so it looks nice. If you don’t feel like fucking with the oven then just leave the strawberries raw. I don’t give a shit JUST EAT A FUCKING SALAD or 10.

    Serve 4 people as a side or 1 jolly green giant

     

  2. When I am in the kitchen all day cooking up new shit my dog just fucking stares at me.  She lays that guilt on thick. So when I’ve got a minute, I throw something together just for her. Sweet potato jerky is some easy shit to make, the fiber helps regulate her digestive system, and it’s not fucking expensive. You know I’m all about that simple-healthy-cheap living.

    SWEET POTATO JERKY DOG TREATS

    1 sweet potato (about ½ pound)

    Heat the oven to 300 degrees.

    Cut the sweet potato into slices lengthwise about 1/8 inch to ¼ inch thick. Don’t get out a fucking ruler, just cut that shit so it is half as thick as a slice of bread. If the pieces are really wide, slice them up the middle so that they cook faster. Bake on a cookie sheet for 25 minutes, flip them over, and bake for about 25 minutes more. They should look all shriveled and some pieces should look crispy. Let them cool and then show your dog you fucking love them.

    Makes about 20 treats. Store them in the fridge and they keep for about 2 weeks

     

  3. I was saving this shit for the upcoming cookbook but since it’s the most requested recipe, fuck it HERE YA GO. The Thug Kitchen RCB Burrito.

    ROASTED CHICKPEA & BROCCOLI BURRITO

    3 cups of cooked chickpeas  (2-15 ounce cans, drained)

    1 large yellow onion

    1 red bell pepper

    1 large crown of broccoli

    4 cloves of garlic

    1 lime

    Spice Blend:

    3 tablespoons olive oil

    1-2 tablespoons soy sauce, tamari, or Bragg’s Liquid Aminos (You can usually find this old school hippie shit near the vinegars or soy sauces in the healthy eating section of most big grocery stores and on the internet)

    2 teaspoons chili powder

    1 teaspoon ground cumin

    1 teaspoon smoked paprika

    1/2 teaspoon ground coriander or more cumin if you don’t want to go to the store

    black pepper or cayenne pepper to taste

     

    Heat the oven to 425 degrees. Chop up the onion, bell pepper, and broccoli so that all the pieces about the size of a chickpea. Chop up the garlic real small but save that shit until later. Place all the chopped up veggies in a large bowl with the cooked chickpeas. Pour in the oil and soy sauce, stir, and then throw all the spices in there. Mix until all the vegetables and shit are covered.

     

    Put all of that on a large rimmed baking sheet (like what you would put cookies on but with an edge) and bake for 20 minutes. Take it out of the oven, don’t fucking burn yourself, add the garlic, and bake for another 15 minutes. The broccoli will look a little burnt at this point but that is the plan so chill the fuck out and take it out of the oven. Squeeze the juice of half of the lime over the pan and stir the roasted chickpeas and veggies all around. Taste some and see if it needs more spices or anything. Now make a fucking burrito. I like mine with spinach, avocado, cilantro, and some fire roasted salsa but you do your thing.

    makes 6-8 burritos

     

  4. Smiley face

    HOLY FUCK. You guys actually voted. THANKS EVERYBODY. Seriously, this is crazy. My Nana ain’t gonna believe this shit.

     

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  6. Food is good and all that but YOU REALLY FUCKING NEED WATER. I always drink one glass of water before each meal and another glass right after. Shit, that’s almost all the water you need in a day.

    Feeling tired? Got a headache? Nauseous? Fuck those Rx commercials with their crazy ass side effects, drinking more water is the cheapest way to feel better. I drink mine straight but if you’re fancy as fuck then toss in some lemon, mint leaves, lime, cucumber, lemongrass. I don’t give a good goddamn, JUST DRINK IT.