1. You can’t have a legit BBQ without a badass potato salad. But don’t be a dick and buy that nasty shit at the store. Make this instead; it is cheap as fuck and super easy. You can even leave it in the sun for a minute and it won’t get all gross like that potatomayo nonsense they try to pass off as a salad. People don’t deserve that basic, bland shit.

     

    FRESH HERB POTATO SALAD

    1 1/2 pounds of small red or Yukon gold potatoes

    1 teaspoon Dijon mustard

    3 tablespoons white wine vinegar

    2 tablespoons lemon juice (about 1 lemons)

    ¼ cup extra virgin olive oil

    2 cloves of garlic

    1/3 cup shredded carrot (I used 1 normal-sized carrot. Don’t try to grate baby carrots; you will fuck your hand up)

    ¼ cup of chopped chives (you can use green onions to save some cash)

    ¼ cup chopped dill

    salt and pepper

     

    Cut your potatoes in half or until they are in pieces that you can actually put in your mouth. Nobody should need a knife to eat potato salad, that shit is fucked. Boil some water in a medium pot, add a pinch of salt, and the potatoes. Boil them until you can easily stab a fork through one, like 10-15 minutes depending on the size of your potatoes. If you cook them too long they start falling apart and your salad will be a fucking mess. Set a timer if your ass is easily distracted.

    While the potatoes cook, cut up the garlic into a bunch of tiny pieces. Mix together the mustard, vinegar, lemon juice, oil, and garlic in a small glass. Drain the potatoes and put them in a large bowl. Add the dressing and toss it all together. Add the carrots, herbs, and a little salt and pepper and mix them in. Let the salad sit in the fridge for at least 30 minutes so that the potatoes can soak in all the flavor. If it looks dry after that then add a little more vinegar and olive oil and stir that bitch. Make this shit the day before you go somewhere and keep it in the fridge. Nobody will know the fucking difference.

    Serves 4 as a side

     

  2. You don’t need a party to get down on some guacamole. Put it on a salad, taco, tostada, sandwich, whatever you want. Eat it with your hands. I don’t give a flying fuck. SNACK LIFE.

     

    GRAPEFRUIT GUACAMOLE

    5 ripe avocados

    2 medium grapefruits or 1 big son of a bitch

    ¼ cup chopped cilantro

    ¼ cup chopped red onion

    juice of 1 lime (about 2 tablespoons)

    ¼ teaspoon salt

     

    Take the pit out of the avocados and scoop out all the green flesh into a large bowl. Mash it up with fork. I like my guacamole chunky but do what you gotta do. Cut the grapefruit up into segments like you would cut an orange. Remove the peel and cut the segments into pieces about the size of a nickel. Put all the grapefruit into the bowl with the avocado. Add the cilantro, red onion, lime juice, and salt and mix it all up. Taste it and add more shit until you like it. Serve immediately or chill it for a bit. I’m not gonna tell you how to eat guacamole, just follow your fucking heart. 

     

  3. HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY

    Get your brunch on.

     

  4. ANYBODY CAN GRILL A FUCKING BURGER OR HOTDOG. Elevate your grilling game with something that simpleminded motherfuckers wouldn’t even consider. Grilling veggies is some classy shit and it only takes a few minutes. I am not talking about some played out portabella burger that tastes like a dirty sponge. Eggplant, artichokes, okra, lettuce: all that shit can be thrown on the grill and are in peak form during the spring and summer. People are guaranteed to come correct next time you invite them over. Raise the fucking bar and grill to impress.


    GRILLED ROMAINE HEARTS WITH AVOCADO LIME DRESSING

    2 romaine hearts, washed, trimmed, and sliced in half

    1 clove of garlic, chopped up all small

    2 tablespoons olive oil

    a pinch of salt and pepper

    Avocado Lime Dressing

    1 ripe avocado

    1/3 cup fresh lime juice

    2 tablespoons rice vinegar

    1 tablespoon olive oil

    1 clove garlic, chopped all small

    ½ teaspoon agave or honey

    1/4 teaspoon cumin

    1/4 cup water

    salt to taste

    For the dressing, put all the ingredients in a small food processor or blender and combine until creamy. Add the pinch of sea salt and mix it in. If that shit looks way too thick, add more water until it looks like salad dressing. Pour it all into a small container and refrigerate until the lettuce is ready.

    To grill the romaine hearts, heat the grill to a medium-low heat. As long as the grill isn’t crazy hot, you are good. While the grill heats up, mix the garlic, olive oil and salt and pepper in a little cup.  Brush or spoon the oil mixture to the cut side of the lettuce. This isn’t the fucking dressing so go easy.  Place the lettuce face down on the grill for 60 seconds or until there are clear grill marks and the leaves are beginning to wilt. Flip the hearts over and grill the other side for another 60 seconds. You want the leaves to look charred but not all fucking limp so pay attention. When they look good, put them on a plate and put some dressing over the hearts. Top with sliced green onions, chopped cilantro, and plenty of black pepper.

    Enough for 4 people with some extra dressing


    We shared this recipe with our homies over at GQ Online, go check them out.

     

  5. Five simple fucking ingredients in this bitch right here. This is some good shit to make when you are feeling bougie as fuck. High-fructose corn syrup? Naw son, I don’t play that. Hit this with some vodka though, different story. Max relax.

    LAVENDER LEMONADE

    5 cups of water

    1/2 -3/4 cup sugar (yeah, it is fucking lemonade. without the sugar it is just real sour fucking water)

     3/4 cup Meyer lemon juice, about 6 lemons ​(you can just use the regular lemons at the store too, not a dealbreaker)

    juice of half a lime​

    4 sprigs of fresh lavender​

    Bring the water to a boil in a medium pot. Add the sugar and simmer that shit on a low heat for about 5 minutes. Make sure to stir it on the regular. The sugar should be all dissolved in the water by now with no little fucking grains rolling around in there. Turn off the heat and stir in the lemon juice, lime juice, and lavender. Let it cool until it is around room temperature. Take the lavender pieces out but use a fucking spoon and not your fingers if you are going to serve that shit to other people. Put the lemonade in the fridge to cool down all the way. Serve with lemon wedges and a pinch of dried lavender if you want it to look fucking impressive.

    makes about 1 quart of chill the fuck out

     

     

     

  6. Getting ready for Cinco de fucking Mayo? It’s one of my favorite holidays for bad decisions. This year you might make a couple shitty judgment calls but don’t start with your margarita mix. You see how many goddamn ingredients are in those fuckers? Red 40? WHATTHEFUCKISTHAT? Artificial flavors? GO FUCK YOURSELF. Don’t be serving up disrespectful drinks.  

     

    STRAWBERRY GRAPEFRUIT MARGARITA

    ¾ cup tequila (optional, but who are you kidding?)

    ¾ cup grapefruit juice (about 1 grapefruit)

    ¼ cup lime juice (about 3 limes)

    1 cup frozen strawberries (whole strawberries are really fucking hard to measure. It was about 8 medium sized strawberries but extra won’t hurt a thing)

    1 ½ cups ice 

    Blend that shit up. 

    If your fruit wasn’t super sweet you might need to add a little something extra like a teaspoon or two of whateverthefuck sweetener you like to use is fine. Personally I like agave but you can use honey or sugar. Serve this up immediately.

     

    Make about 32 ounces, enough to relax 2 people