1. SLAM DOWN THIS GLASS OF BOSS SAUCE FOR BREAKFAST AND TELL YOUR GROWLING STOMACH TO SHUT THE FUCK UP. This shit has enough strawberries to give you a full day’s worth of vitamin C. Then you got rolled oats up in this bitch to start your morning with some fiber. All you have to do is fill the blender and press a fucking button. No doubt even your sleepy ass can handle that simple shit in the early morning.

     

    STRAWBERRY OAT SMOOTHIE

    2 cups frozen strawberries (whole strawberries are pretty fucking hard to measure. It was about 16 medium sized strawberries but extra won’t hurt)

    1 frozen banana, broken up in chunks

    ¾ cup water

    ¾ cup milk (I used almond)

    ½ cup rolled oats

    10-12 fresh mint leaves

    Toss everything in the blender. If you like a thick smoothie add more oats but keep it at a ½ cup if you want to drink this with a straw. Blend all that shit until it is all smooth with little bits of oats hanging out. Add your favorite protein powder for extra badassery.

    Makes 22 ounces (about 2 ¾ cup) enough for 1-2 people who are ready to kick ass and take names

     

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  3. NO SHIT IT’S HOT, IT’S FUCKING JULY. Pull yourself together, go find some shade, and kick back with Thug Kitchen’s citrus iced tea. Guaranteed to refresh your attitude and show your BBQ guests that you’ve got shit figured out. Even if you don’t.

    SPIKED CITRUS ICED TEA

    1 gallon of water

    4 black tea bags

    4 white tea bags (if you find white tea with ginger, lemon, and orange flavors in it, that would be legit)

    ¼ - ½ cup maple syrup (this shit can be expensive so feel free to replace it with agave or honey)

    2 ½ cups whiskey (optional, but who are you kidding)

    ½ cup orange juice

    1/3 cup lemon juice

     

    Heat the water is a big pot on the stove until you see bubbles forming on the bottom. No need to boil that shit. Add the tea bags and let them chill out in the hot water for about 5 minutes. Pull the bags out and add the ¼ cup maple syrup, the whiskey, and citrus juices. Stir and taste that motherfucker. If you like it a little sweeter, add more syrup. Let the tea cool in the fridge until you’re damn well ready. Serve this shit with ice and slices of oranges and lemons because then it looks classy as fuck.

    Makes enough for a party or just you on the laziest summer day ever

    We made this for our friends over at FoodBeast.com and they fucking loved it

     

  4. My girl and I were cleaning out the fridge and whipped up ten of these motherfuckers. What did you cook the last time you cleaned out your dirty ass fridge? A PICKLE AND KETCHUP SANDWICH? FUCK YOU. 

    This was the very first post that started Thug Kitchen. I’ve been slammed with people asking me for the goddamn recipe, so here you go. It is a long one but fucking worth it. Peanut tempeh summer rolls 2.0 up in this bitch for Throwback Thursday. Enjoy that shit.

    PEANUT TEMPEH SUMMER ROLLS

    8 ounces of tempeh

    1 cup of water

    1 teaspoon soy sauce or tamari

    1 package large spring rolls wrappers/rice paper wrappers (They look like a stack of chalky colored, paper frisbee things. They are usually near the soy sauce at the store. They are cheap as fuck so don’t stress)

    PEANUT SAUCE MARINADE

    1/3 cup peanut butter (nothing full of sugar or a shit ton of salt)

    1/4 cup warm water

    3 tablespoons rice vinegar

    1 tablespoon lime juice

    2 teaspoons soy sauce or tamari

    1-2 teaspoons Sriracha (or your favorite hot chili sauce, which already should be Sriracha)

    1 ½ teaspoons of grated ginger (you can just cut this up all tiny if you don’t have a grater)

    1 clove garlic, cut up into small pieces

    Cut the tempeh width-wise into 1/4 inch pieces. You should end up with about 16 finger-sized pieces. In a wok or skillet bring the water to a boil with the soy sauce. Add all the tempeh and let that shit simmer for about 10 minutes or until all the water is evaporated.

    While the tempeh cooks, mix together the peanut butter and warm water in a cup until it is smooth. Add the rest of the ingredients for the marinade and keep fucking mixing until it is all uniform looking. Taste and adjust the seasoning so that you like it. That shit is on you. Pour half of the peanut sauce marinade into a shallow dish like a pie pan or whateverthefuck you have at your place. Put the cooked tempeh on top and pour the rest of the sauce over it. Let this chill the fuck out while you cut up all the rest of your shit.

    Here is where you should cut up all your veggies. I used 2 medium carrots, 1 cucumber, 6 lettuce leaves, green onions, basil, cilantro, and avocado but use whatever you have hanging around. I would make sure that you have some lettuce, something crunchy, and at least one herb but don’t fucking stress about it. Almost anything tastes good in here. Just cut up everything except the lettuce into strips about 2 inches long.

    Now the fancy shit. In the same wok or skillet you cooked the tempeh warm about 3 inches of water. You want the water hot but not so goddamn hot you can’t put your hand in it. Turn off the heat. Place one spring roll wrapper in the water for 10-15 seconds until it becomes all bendy like a noodle. Let the extra water drip off and lay that translucent son of a bitch down on a plate.

    Fold the wrapper in half so that it looks like a taco on its side. You know what the fuck I mean. Lay down the lettuce, veggies, herbs, and 1-2 pieces of tempeh down on middle third of the half circle wrapper thing we have going. Fold the wrapper over once tightly, left to right, and then fold the bottom over, like a burrito. Continue rolling and press the end flap gently against the roll. If you can make a wrap or burrito then you already have this shit on lock. Keep making rolls until you run out of filling. Finished rolls will keep in the fridge for about 2 days.

    Makes about 10-12 delicious rolls that people will be really fucking impressed with

     

     

     

  5. This summer be sure to avoid frozen high fructose, artificial bullshit and fight swamp ass. Because there are two kinds of people in this world: people who get swamp ass and goddamn liars. Don’t sweat it though because Thug Kitchen has your back with real fruit popsicles. These are easy as fuck to make and it’s not like you’re too busy to freeze blended fruit.

    MANGO PINEAPPLE POPSICLES

    2 ripe mangos, skinned and cut into chunks, about 2 cups

    1 cup frozen pineapple chunks

    1 cup yogurt (I used a coconut yogurt but you can use your favorite shit)

    2 ½ tablespoons lime juice

    1 ½ teaspoons ground ginger

    Throw all of that together in a blender and blend until it is smooth. Pour the mixture into your molds and let it freeze for at least 8 hours. No molds? Don’t fucking give up now. Just do it like we all did growing up: small paper cups and popsicle sticks. Shit, you could even fill up your ice cube tray and use toothpicks for bite-sized deliciousness. Just make sure your sticks don’t go all the way to the bottom of the mold or cups because then you have a fucking ice kabob thing that ends in heartbreak.

    Makes about 2 cups of filling. The number of pops you get depends what the fuck you pour it into

    PEACH BLUEBERRY POPSICLES

    1 cup frozen peaches

    ½ cup real fruit juice (I used a peach apple juice blend here and it was legit. Check your label. Anything that only has 2% fruit juice is just a bottled lie)

    ¼ cup yogurt (I kept using coconut yogurt because I still had a bunch left but again use your favorite shit)

    1 teaspoon lemon juice

    ½ teaspoon vanilla extract

    Blend all that together and then pour the mixture into a large glass. You should have about a cup. Don’t wash the blender. We have more shit to do.

    1 cup frozen blueberries

    ½ cup yogurt (you know the drill by now)

    ¼ cup of the same fruit juice you already used

    1 teaspoon lemon juice

    ½ teaspoon vanilla extract

    Blend all of that shit together until it is smooth. Layer it into your molds or cups with the peach filling if you want the popsicle to look awesome. Pour them in at the same time if you love chaos. Freeze for at least 8 hours before trying to get down.

    Makes about 2 cups of filling

     

  6. Saw this shit today and thought… THE INTERNET NEEDS TO KNOW