Breakfast Tamale
Oct 20, '13
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I DON'T REALLY GIVE A DAMN that you slept through breakfast. That’s no excuse to eat cold pizza wheneverthefuck you eventually drag your ass outta bed. You’re blurring meal times, nothing wrong with that. But don’t go wait in a fucking line at some pretentious restaurant that overcharges for breakfast food. Instead, cook up this filling motherfucker and give your stomach something worth waking up for. THIS SAVORY STACK OF PROTEIN & FIBER will keep you feeling FULL AS FUCK until Lunchtime. Grab a mimosa and BRUNCH LIKE A FUCKING BOSS. 

Breakfast Tamale



1 ½ cups tomato sauce (don’t accidently grab pasta sauce, that would be fucking gross. This is just plain pureed tomatoes)

1 cup vegetable broth

3 cloves of garlic

1 tablespoon chili powder

½ teaspoon cumin

½ teaspoon oregano

dash of cayenne pepper

salt to taste


1 small bell pepper

1 small zucchini

1 fist sized wax potato (a red, white, or yellow potato. Like what you would use in a potato salad)

½ a medium yellow onion

1 jalapeño

2 cloves of garlic

2 teaspoons olive oil

1/8 teaspoon salt

1/8 teaspoon cumin

1/8 teaspoon oregano

juice of half a lime

1 ½ cups cooked pinto or black beans


6 cups of water

2 cups of coarsely ground cornmeal (any cornmeal that says it is for polenta is cool here, just don’t grab any quick cooking shit)

¼ teaspoon salt

¼ teaspoon garlic powder

1 tablespoon olive oil

Heat the oven to 350 degrees F.

Combine all the ingredients for the red sauce in a medium saucepan and bring it to a simmer. Taste and adjust the seasoning howeverthefuck want. I usually add more cayenne pepper because I can hang. Turn off the heat and set the sauce aside.

Chop up the bell pepper, zucchini, potato, and onion into pieces no bigger than a bean. In a large skillet or wok, warm the oil over a medium heat and add the potato. Sauté for about 8 minutes or until the potato begins to soften up. If they start to stick to the pan, your instinct might be to add more oil but FUCK THAT. Just add some splashes of water instead. When the potatoes seem like they are on their way to being cooked, add the onions and cook them all for another 5 minutes. Now you have to multitask for a minute. Put a big pot filled with the 6 cups of water on the stove and bring it to a boil. You can forget about that shit until you hear it bubbling which will take a bit. Back to the main shit, add the bell pepper and zucchini to the skillet with the potatoes and onion. Cook for another 3-5 minutes. The potatoes should be getting soft by now. Chop up the garlic and jalapeno into small pieces and throw those in next. When you can start to smell the garlic, add the remaining spices, salt, lime juice, and beans. Stir that shit around. Now add a cup of the red sauce, stir, and taste that shit. You can add more garlic, sauce, or whateverthefuck you think it needs. Turn off the heat.

Now your big ass pot of water should be boiling. Add the salt and slowly stir in the cornmeal. Bring the heat down low so that you get a bubble coming up only once and awhile. Stir it every couple of minutes until the mixture is nice and thick, about 15-20 minutes. If it starts getting too thick but it isn’t done, just add a little more water and keep cooking. Then add the garlic powder and oil right before that polenta is done cooking. Turn off the heat.

Grab a baking dish (9”x13” or something close to that is fine) and lightly oil that fucker down so nothing will stick. Pour in about 2 ½ cups of the cooked polenta and spread that shit out as even as you can. Next, pile in the bean and potato filling but leave about a half inch free around the sides of the polenta. Pour a little more of the red sauce over the filling and cover all of that with the rest of the polenta. Cover the container with foil and bake for 20 minutes so that it all comes together like a savory tamale breakfast cake thing. Dope shit, right? Let it rest for about 5-10 minutes before cutting into it. Drizzle with the remaining red sauce and serve with avocado, cilantro, more jalapeños, salsa, tequila, whateverthefuck you are in to.

I know some of you might be looking at these directions thinkin WHOA THAT LOOKS COMPLICATED AS FUCK. Calm. Your. Shit. This is an easy dish that you can even bake the night before and just warm it up before brunch the next day. Nobody will know the goddamn difference.

Serves 6-8 people ready to brunch their asses off

We made this special for our friends over at ASOS. Be sure to check their shit out.

Brunch like a fucking boss. Make this Breakfast Tamale Pie
Breakfast Tamale
Brunch like a fucking boss. Make this Breakfast Tamale Pie
Breakfast Tamale