I'M SO TIRED OF MOTHER FUCKERS asking “Where do you get your protein?” All you simple minded bastards better read up some. I eat shit like whole grains, beans, nuts, lentils, tempeh… I mean hell, where the fuck are YOU getting your protein? Black beans are one of my favorite protein sources for sure. The insoluble fiber these are packing keeps the body feeling full while holding calories down low. But hold up, this shit also has soluble fiber to regulate the fuck out of your glucose levels. Grub on this. Go to the gym. Fuck membership fees. Lift cars in the parking lot. So eat more black beans and sign some fucking autographs. 

Do your fucking part

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Black Bean & Cilantro Pesto Wrap

Black Bean and Cilantro Pesto Wrap

1 large bunch of cilantro, chopped, about 2 cups

2/3 cup slivered almonds

2-3 cloves of garlic, chopped

1 tablespoon lemon juice

½ teaspoon salt

½ teaspoon lemon zest (just grate the skin of the lemon on the smallest side of your grater, calm the fuck down)

¼ cup olive oil

¼ cup vegetable broth or water

Put all the ingredients for the pesto in a food processor and blend until sorta smooth. No food processor? Before I had one I’d just put the almonds in a bag and smash them until they are tiny and chop the rest of that shit up super small too. Mix all of it together with a fork until it looks like a paste.

This recipe makes about 1 cup of goddamn delicious pesto. I like about ¼ cup of it for every 1 ½ cups of beans. For the lazy bastards, one 15-ounce can of black beans is about 1 ½ cups. Just mix the beans together with the pesto and wrap that shit up with whatever vegetables you have like: cucumbers, tomatoes, red onion, lettuce, avocado, corn, you get the fucking idea. Add salsa or lime juice if you want. I don’t give a fuck.